To SRN with Love

The first days of October lead to the birthday and death of my husband. Only one full day separates them. The celebration of when you arrive and the agony of when you leave.

I want to say in this entry, to SRN, my love, I cannot believe that it has been three years. How can the days go by so fast and so slow at the same time. My heart breaks every day you are not here. I miss you so much.

SRN - you were my best friend.

You were smart and funny and could be a real pain in the ass - especially when you put your mind to it.

You loved me with all my flaws and did not want me to change who I am. With you, from day 1 I felt like I could be myself when I was with you.

We had fun together.

I miss hanging out with you - sitting on the counter in the kitchen just talking to you.

I miss cooking dinner for us.

I miss watching tv with you.

I miss going on vacation with you and watching you walk for ever on the beach - exploring nature and just enjoying the sunshine.

I miss you complaining about yard work and how everytime you had to cut the lawn it took longer and longer even though our property line did not move.

I miss you complaining about the snow when winter came and blaming me for being here (even though both are families live here and you would have never survived with out them around you every day)

I miss your smiles and your hugs.

I miss when you would tell me you loved me.

I miss everything about our life together. The one where we were suppose live happily ever after and grow old together.

These coming days will be hard. From now until the New Year the calendar is full of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Each one is bittersweet with memories of the past.

I know I will see you again my love. I believe in the continuity of life. I feel you around me and know when I need them you show me signs. I know this and believe this.